Tuesday, June 30, 2015

Unknown Commenters and Other Harrassers



On Saturday, I published a post about my lovely daughter's birthday, including a bit of reminiscing about the past. 

Sunday morning, a longtime friend sent me a note and told me someone had left an "ugly" comment on my post and that I might want to delete it. 

For what it's worth, I have very thick skin. I used to write for a major newspaper, and I’m not at all offended by the opinion of others, even when they vehemently disagree with my own. The only thing I ever demanded from my readers was a respectful tone and no foul language when addressing me, personally. 

I respect your right to disagree with me. But if you can't disagree in a respectful manner, then you won't be heard past the first disrespectful sentence. I won't even read what you took the time to write, because you weren't able to disagree respectfully, one adult to another. Which means, if your goal was to "inform" me of something, you lost your chance to do that, and that's unfortunate for both of us. 

The above sentiments are how I felt when writing my opinion in a public newspaper. In the case of my blog, multiply that times a million. Although my blog appears in public, it's also my blog, and I won’t allow anyone to say anything in a disrespectful manner, which is the reason I decided to take down the "ugly" comment, without even reading it. If a trusted friend called it "ugly," then I'm certain it was, so once I saw the rather interesting profile name of “Unknown” in my comments section, I simply hit the delete key and never read a single word of whatever "unknown" wrote. 

I can tolerate anonymous commenters, and I enjoy hearing opposing opinions, but if you're an anoymous commenter who can't express an opposing opinion in a respectful manner, then I consider you someone who just harrasses others, while hiding behind a screen. Perhaps you should consider getting your own blog and finding your own readers. As I see it, I have better things to do than read somone's disrespectful comments on my own blog. I have the same policy where email is concerned. If you're disrespectful and demeaning, you won't be heard or read by me. Free speech doesn't mean a free platform for speaking; that has to be earned.

In nine years of blogging, other than the occasional spam, I’ve never had to delete a comment, which isn't a bad record. Still, for now at least, I will approve all comments before they are published. It's always the little foxes that spoil the vines, don't you know.

On the bright side, yesterday I received an email from a dear blogging friend who had read the comment before it was taken down. She expressed hurt that someone tried to hurt me with his or her words, and she was grateful that I had removed the offensive comment, which made me feel all teary inside, having people like her in blogland who care and are concerned about another's well-being. I feel the same about all of you.

Sadly, the world is filled with folks who have an ax to grind, who hold tightly to petty grievances, who seem to take pride in cutting others down. They often hide behind a screen, or appear on social media under fake names, not quite brave enough to put a face or a name behind their words. Truth is, I feel sorry for them, but I don't ever give such people an audience, and you don't have to either. 

Until next time, dear friends, I plan to keep on keeping on. Won't you join me?


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Photo: Google


10 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry someone left you a rude message. I just don't understand!! Who raises these people that they think they can leave unkind words from behind a computer screen. I'm proud of you for deleting it.

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  2. I'm sorry to hear that someone did that! Glad you got the chance to address it. Hope your week is going well, Dayle!
    Stephanie

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  3. Dayle - I am so sorry this happened. I have a very low esteem for anyone who does an anonymous message. If they don't have the guts to put their name to it, they should keep it to themselves. In the first place, as my Mom always said, If you don't have something nice to say, say nothing at all. I don't understand why people can be so mean and cruel. (And I didn't even read the comment). I think you did the right thing.

    Bless you and your lovely daughter.

    Judy

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  4. I once had to remove a comment that was *x-rated* - and just yesterday, I deleted an Anonymous comment that was rambling and making no sense about their marital relationship. Neither comment seemed directed at me, more like "creative" spam. But, in this world there are going to be more people like this, more attacks from the enemy. I believe it is becoming an increasingly hateful world.

    Sorry this happened. But I think you have truly taken the high road here in not reading the comment, nor in responding in like manner.

    You were, once again, the classy lady that you are.

    GOD BLESS!

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  5. This is the third type of blogger bashing I've read today. I'm sorry that happened to you Dayle, and especially on a post about your daughter's birthday. You're right, blogging is our personal space for people who want to read what we write. I've been called a few names over the years I've been blogging, it's not fun, but you certainly did the right thing by deleting it, and that one step further . . . not reading it before you deleted it. Bravo! ~ Abby

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  6. Sorry that happened, Dayle. You do feel kind of sorry for people like that---those that feel reduced to trying to make someone else feel bad-hoping to make themselves feel good (if that makes any sense). I never read previous comments when I leave one...probably a mistake but I just comment and go on my merry way.
    I have only ever had a couple of really hateful comments. I left them because I thought they were a reflection of that person's idiocy. One of them said she was never visiting my blog again and hated it..and when I responded to that and said it was too bad that people that felt the way she did had to say things anonymously. She (SURPRISE) came back and said she didn't leave her name because she didn't ever want ME to visit HER blog. lol I thanked her nicely for coming BACK to visit after she said she was NEVER coming back again. That shut her up. Another friend told me who it was- and I checked and sure enough, she had taken me off her blog roll. Small things for small minds-

    Glad you did what you felt was the right thing. We just keep plugging along, don't we? xo Diana

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  7. Only one in nine years? You must be doing something right! You handled it very well. I have not been able to have anonymous comments for several years now and I must delete one or two comments daily (usually, spam). I also am very careful about my followers as some of those sites...wow...so I learned early on how to block a follower who is not likeminded.

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  8. Wow, I'm glad neither of us read it. I'm also glad I didn't see it! It's great to know who you have some great readers out there who have your back when the intolerable ones raise their ugliness.

    Hugs and keep on keeping on, Dayle! I love your writings!
    Kelley~

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  9. While I haven't experienced this yet (I know it's coming though), I have seen it happen to other bloggers. I just don't understand wanting to write ugly/disrespectful comments on another blogger's posts. I agree with Diana...that other people do this just so that they feel better about themselves. And your statement is dead on...if they have so much to say, then they need to start their own blog! Hope you have a great 4th!

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  10. I have no idea why anybody would have something ugly to say about that wonderful post, but I have no time for rude, ugly people. Coward!

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Dear Readers, I adore your company and your comments. If you ask questions here, I respond to them here, so please check back when you have a chance. Kind regards, Dayle