Tuesday, July 5, 2016

On Being Genuine ~ Monday Musings on Tuesday


Dear friends, as I write it is early Monday morning, much earlier than I am normally up and about on a Monday. I am sitting at the kitchen table drinking a cup of coffee, watching the sun make its way into the living room. I have just put a roast and all the trimmings in the oven, simmering low and slow. In about three hours, The Man and I will pack it up and carry it, along with twin sister and her potato salad, to my mom and dad’s place, two hours away, where we will gather and celebrate Independence Day with those we love and hold dear. By the time you read this, it will all be over and I hope your holiday was as pleasant as I expect ours to be.

In the last few weeks, my thoughts have been about the importance of being genuine in relationships. Take my mom and dad, for example. Whenever we drive up in the driveway in a few hours, whenever I see Daddy open the front door, his face one big smile, I won’t have to pretend to love him when I rush to embrace him. In the kitchen, Mother will be there, scurrying around, stopping only long enough to kiss my cheek and hug me hard, and I won’t have to pretend to love her whenever I hug her back.

Oh, I could tell you tales of how our relationship hasn’t always been smooth, when certain events crushed my young heart and set me on a path of rebellion and confusion, a path that ended with enough heartbreak to go around. But I can’t tell you a single time—in all of my disillusionment and running—that I didn’t love my parents. And as I aged and matured, that tender love deepened and strengthened, for I realized that we are all imperfect human beings, all in need of acceptance and forgiveness, all in need of genuine love, and none more than I. At my worst, they’ve loved me, and I them. I never have to wonder; they never have to wonder. My love for them has been tested and it’s genuine. That doesn’t mean they live by my rules, or I live by theirs; it only means that we love each other, without conditions, no matter what.

And so it is in this manner that I wish to live among friends and family, a life without riddles or ambiguity, where those who love me accept me, in both my best and worst forms, where we don't hesitate to speak of love, or show it, where we don't have to wonder.

If you have to ask someone to love you, to accept you, to please let you in, then your relationship will always feel less than authentic. As for me, I see no value in such relationships, no depth, no strength; there are only cautious hugs, and words that ring hollow. There is only emptiness.

To exist with each other in a genuineness of spirit and soul, that is how I wish to live.



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8 comments:

  1. Wow, did your words here speak to me. There is a particular relationship in my life where I am never accepted. where I am always "in the dog house" for not living up to expectations, where love is based on performing a certain way. A relationship like that is draining.

    Blessings
    Patti

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  2. Some folks that I know seem to thrive on drama, in their families and other relationships. I know we all can have our share from time to time but I need to have peace and I thrive on IT. Great and truthful post.

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  3. What a testament for unconditional love! Had I taken them to heart, your last 5 lines would have certainly saved a 'younger me' lots of heartache.

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  4. I'm reading so much stuff about parents today....I think I have to go call my mom and dad and tell them I love them!

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  5. Such a beautiful post, sweet friend. Yes, this is how I want to live, too. Your parents seem so precious. There is nothing quite like the authentic love of parents. God bless you and your dear family!

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  6. This really spoke to me. I have been begging my oldest daughter to see or talk to me for two years (she will be 42 in November). The disappointment that she will not brings me great sorrow. I guess I should just step back and stop begging...
    Brenda

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  7. Yes, that is how I want to live, too, Dayle. Lovely post. Susan

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