Monday, December 5, 2016

Monday Musings ~ On Friends and Trust


Last week, a friend and I were chatting on Facebook about things close to our hearts. Although we haven't seen each other in a few decades, at the end of one of her messages, she wrote, "Trusting that you will keep all I've said confidential." 

When I read this, my heart was warmed, knowing that she trusted me with her words and her heartaches, and I assured her that she has nothing to worry about; the things she shared would remain only between us, and I could have added, 'til death do us part, because, frankly, that's how I keep confidences. 

What I had shared with her was not of a confidential nature, and I didn't ask her to keep it between us, but if I had, I feel certain she would have and I'm happy to say that if you've ever shared your heartaches or joys with me, and asked me not to speak about them with others, you can be sure those things are still tucked away in my heart.

I recall the first time I was betrayed by a friend. I was no more than 15 years of age when I shared a secret with a girl from church. It wasn’t anything earth-shattering, but it was something I didn’t want anyone else to know and I, specifically, asked her not to repeat it to anyone. It had to do with matters of the heart. You know. Very private and important stuff for a 15-year-old.

The next morning was Sunday, and imagine my surprise when I’m in the ladies bathroom stall and hear the matters of my heart being repeated by this girl to someone else. That’s right. My “friend” had wasted no time in peddling the deepest hopes and fears of my vulnerable heart to someone else, even though I had asked her not to tell anyone. I just couldn't believe my ears. That she had, so quickly, broken my trust devastated me.

I wasted no time in learning two major lessons that day: 1) you can't trust just anyone with your secrets, and 2) if someone asks you not to repeat what they're saying, don't repeat it. Be the kind of friend to them that you want them to be to you. 

Even though I remained friends with this girl, I never shared another confidential thing with her. Our relationship was purely casual, no late-night talks, no whispered secrets. She had proven she couldn’t be trusted with the big things in my little world.

I think it's important to have all kinds of friends in our lives and I'm blessed to have a variety—from casual friends that I only share light topics with, to deeper friendships that go beneath the surface and touch the hidden places. The deeper friendships may not necessarily be longtime friends either, but they are people I have come to trust, people with whom I feel a kindred spirit.

Such friends are few that I’ve ever shared anything of a confidential nature with. These are people I trust explicitly, and they can trust me in the same way. I have kept their confidences, and they’ve kept mine. There’s not a single doubt in my mind about that. And they know who they are, if they’re reading this.

The way I see it, people talk too much, and friendships are way too shallow. You may have 928 friends on Facebook, and 843 followers on Instagram, but how many of them really know you? How many would you share your heart with?

If you have friends who have been tested with your heart’s anguish and ecstasy, and proven themselves worthy of safekeeping, then you have a true friend. Be the same to them, and do everything in your power to never let their friendship go. There may be seasons of conflict and times of separation, but stay true to what they’ve entrusted in your care until the dust settles, even for as long as there is breath in you.


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10 comments:

  1. Well said Dayle!!!! So very true!!!!!!!!

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  2. That's a lesson that really hurts when first learned. I feel especially grateful for those few I know will always keep the trust.

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  3. I love your post today. You're so right about friendships. I have 3 friends in my life that I have such a close friendship with that we can discuss our deepest secrets and pains, and know that it wouldn't go any father than the conversation between us.

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  4. I don't have a lot of friends, but the ones I do have, I cherish.
    Lesson #1 and #2, are what make a kindred friendship and a long lasting friendship.

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  5. Those friends who keep confidences are truly to be cherished.

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  6. I have lots of acquaintances but very few friends that I share deep secrets with. As my father used to say--"It's a wise man that keeps his own counsel". I am sure that is from some famous novel or something but it always made so much sense to me.

    I, too, value confidences and I never repeat anything that is said to me--even if I was not asked to keep it in confidence. I, too, have been betrayed by friends and it really does change the relationship on a deep level.

    Great post, Dayle. I hope you have a wonderful week ahead of you. xo Diana

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  7. People are all flawed. It's our job to determine which ones are less flawed than others. Great story and thoughts.

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  8. Dear friends are precious jewels, for sure. I have only a few very close friends, yet many acquaintances. But those few dear friends are so close to my heart, even though we don't see each other often enough.

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  9. I understand this all too well. Very true indeed. Thanks for sharing!

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  10. Your friends are SO VERY LUCKY to have you in their lives. Your blog always secretly speaks volumes about what a thoughtful person you are.

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Dear Readers, I adore your company and your comments. If you ask questions here, I respond to them here, so please check back when you have a chance. Kind regards, Dayle