Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Talking to Walls ~ And the People Behind Them

I've met many people who live behind walls. This usually happens because they've been hurt. After taking so much, they start building walls, and every time they get hurt, or disappointed, another brick in the wall of defense goes up. Eventually, they spend their lives in defense mode.

Relationships with such folks is always from a distance; there are no other options. The few people who may be let inside their fortress know the rules: Hurt me, and you're out. Conversations with defensive people are painful; the walls almost tangible. Every word you say is measured and weighed and studied for an underlying meaning. It's exhausting.

People living behind walls have few close friends and strained family relationships, because it’s hard for them to receive love. And you can't blame the ones who try for giving up and walking away. Who wants to talk to a wall every day? Who wants to walk on eggshells every day? If you feel your benevolence toward another person is always in vain, then what's the point?

The truth is it’s a bit scary out here in the world of relationships without walls. And sometimes, you do get hurt, your heart left in a million pieces. But the higher your walls become, the lonelier you’ll be, because nobody can tear down your walls for you; neither can they fully love you behind them.

We've all known pain. We've all been hurt. Sometimes, it hurts so much you’d just as soon not wake up. Such is this thing called life. But in order to be completely loved, in order for any relationship to have the slightest chance of growing deep and full and long, you have to break down the walls of defense. You have to become vulnerable again.

I can’t tell you it will be easy, but I can tell you the freedom that follows, to love without restraint or fear, is invigorating.

Until next time, sweet friends, go ahead and tear down those walls. Let yourself run free. Take a chance on relationships. The rewards can be worth it all.



  1. Great post and so true--I think all of us can take away something from this. Lots of wisdom. Thank you.

  2. Yes, Dayle. People who live behind walls are very difficult to respond to. Their friendships are strained, at best. Not much trust from behind walls, either. Susan

  3. You have given a good life lesson here, Dayle. I know people personally that have walls and they are hard to pierce to find the heart behind the wall. Blessings- xo Diana

  4. Dayle,

    You have such a graceful way with your words. I also know some folks to live like this and my heart hurts for them. Sometimes they are even in our own families.

    Thank you for your insightful post.

  5. I'm blessed by your wonderful gift of writing. I love you dear friend.

  6. A good word, Dayle. There are walls that are being torn down in my own life. I see it in a few strained relationships that are suddenly easier.

  7. This is such a thoughtful post with so many good reminders about what it takes to build good relationships.
    Mary Alice

  8. Some walls are easier to let down than others. I believe that at some point, in some relationships, and after repeated hurt, one has to assess the danger to one's own self, and perhaps leave a wall or two up. That doesn't mean that it can't come down, in time.
    You could have written this for me today!


Dear Readers, I adore your company and your comments. If you ask questions here, I respond to them here, so please check back when you have a chance. Kind regards, Dayle